I never new how life changing a simple blog could be.  But through just a few weeks of writing down random thoughts I have and reading other blogs that connect to what I go through. Seeing someone struggle  with the same things as me or others bringing some idea or article to help.  I just feel so much more like dare I say … normal.  And it makes me feel better about being me. Hence I believe the acceptance. It’s ok to be me.

Anyway… sorry… think I’m heading into mania… so bear with me…

I started noticing the stuttered (or pressured if you will) speech this afternoon at the post office and knew what was coming.  And then I thought about how this is just who I am, and told myself not to FOCUS on it.  And weirdly, I knew it was there but I actually moved on about it. Didn’t even slow down my day, just moved on…

THEEEEN I just now went to have a cigarette and noticed I was thinking about ALOT of things at the same time.  So I just closed my eyes (well more like forced them shut) and I let the thoughts just go.  I saw them whirling around my head as my ears began to ring (still are) and my muscles start to feel funny (them too) and for however long (maybe 5 minutes, maybe 30 seconds) I just watched my thoughts.  I attempted to latch on to a few but when I caught myself I would mentally push the whirling blur away and I sat and breathed and…

Then I couldn’t hold out any longer and I had to come write about it cause I don’t want to forget how I felt at this moment. Again no expectations.  I may only do that once.  But I did do it once!  I have always said I can’t when I’ve been told to not focus on it or just observe it.  I actually did it!!! Who knew?

 

I am so glad for this past month.  What a trip though.

2 thoughts on “How Awesome!!!

  1. Finding that you’re not struggling alone and that there are others who truly understand is a huge help – I’m so pleased that blogging helps, carry on the good work and stay well X

  2. I was (am still) rather giddy, the blogging here, finding others who know what I feel without my having to say a single word. There is a sense of true unity I feel for the first time and it’s with perfect strangers.

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