I am so glad I am finally accepting me.  All of us have consistent patterns.  For me whether it’s high or low I know the precursors, I know what to expect of my behaviors based on those precursors.  And last week as I saw myself becoming overwhelmed I took a pro-active approach and what a difference to both the symptoms and my reaction to them.

For the first time since I don’t know when, I woke up thinking about how proud of myself I am.  Not the usual stream of self loathing and defeat when I am going through a negative time or heck most of the time. This morning I lay there for a long time staring at the ceiling, and all I was thinking about the good that I did for me this week, and I think I’m really taking steps in the right direction.  So very very cool.

My accomplishment

1.As I’ve mentioned before, I always need to re-check and re-check my blog.  Knowing others will be potentially viewing what I write I am critical of what I post.  Oh the joy of lack of self worth.  So this week I prepared nothing but positive quotes so every time I read my post I am reading encouraging words.

2.I continued my positive push by running motivation speeches in the background while I got dressed, worked, through my Bluetooth while I drove and loaded apps that kept popping up positive messages on my phone.  I immersed myself in positive re-enforcement that I didn’t feel. I was either seeing or hearing good consistently.

3.I allowed myself to have a couple complain moments even though it was off the planned course.  I am doing this blog for me and I am proud I allowed myself to go with the flow. I had more positive going in than coming out so I’m absolutely kind to myself about it.

4.Yesterday I decided to dress like I was happy instead of just sweats or jeans.  I wore a fancy dress, super high heels, did my hair and makeup, even shaved my legs. Although I wasn’t leaving my home office, I knew I would see myself as I passed mirrors and as I moved about the house I was constantly reminded because of my shoes and looking down at what I am wearing.  I am going to fancy it up again today because I have a traveling  day and I think I will wear something fun and pretty. I am also going to smile at people no matter how I feel.  I may not feel like being social but I can smile.

5.I accepted that what is hard for me may not be “legitimately” hard to others.  When I told my husband something that was bothering me last night, he didn’t get why that particular issue was hard for me,  he meant no harm just sincerely didn’t get it.

Here is where I usually try to get him to understand, furthering my depression and irrational agitation believing that he doesn’t “get” me.  (Got me last week, but suddenly I would be thinking I was lying to myself last week and without warning he has just become the enemy). However, on this occasion, I allowed my acceptance of me as I am to flow into the moment.  There is no accurate emotional experience nor does he need to relate to it.  All that matters is how I navigate it. I said as much to him and he acknowledged this was a valid point. He kept physical contact with me as he slept the whole night. That usually happens when he is feeling especially content and secure with me.  I’m relieved for him that I was able to use a kinder approach.

And with that it’s time to move on to my Friday Inspiration…..

 

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