I Will Not Quit

I was ready to give up today.  I have been working so hard at “not fighting” so much, but all it took was 1 sentence to push me fully down last night and I lay there until a little bit ago indifferent to the work I had to do today, indifferent to my family, the dog, cat, tv, food.  I asked my daughter for a cigarette (she didn’t have 1) if I had alcohol in the house I think I would enjoy a bottle or 2,  and now I am starting to question if I should keep blogging.  I am all over the place in my approach and it isn’t how I saw it when I started.  I’m just a worthless person with so much negativity. How do I really matter.  I know these are lies I am telling myself and I want so badly to be find the positive. I tried listening to positive motivation which sounded hollow and meant for someone else.  I just can’t connect.  But like a beacon in the night a video came on that reminded me not to give up.

I don’t feel better, I don’t feel anything right now. I just know I need to press through and not let defeat take control. This is part of what I need to just let be. And so I am blogging anyway and keeping my commitment.

 

 

5 thoughts on “I Will Not Quit

  1. Quitting smoking is the hardest thing I have ever tried. In fact, my entire blog is pretty much dedicated to my attempts.
    I know this is an older post that I am randomly commenting on. But I searched for people in the same boat as me.
    If you are still trying, know u ain’t alone in this bull**** task 🙂

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