Just can’t get rid of this funk

Father’s Day crept up on me.  I didn’t realize that was what was putting me smack in the middle of depression.  The other stuff didn’t help but the real culprit was the absence of my dad. This was my first father’s day without him. I wanted to call him so bad.  My mom I just found out was hiding a town away in her own hell about it.  I hate that for her.  I wish she would have let me know and we could have shared the burden together. Although I’m not so easy to be around during times such as these so I guess it makes sense.

It’s just hard all these first things without my dad.  And I just miss his laugh, his stories, his kindness, his everything.  This year just sucks!

I slept all day Sunday and had to cancel my appointments yesterday due to an awful, blinding, makes me sick as a dog migraine.  So I slept all day yesterday too.  Today I am just feeling short fused and even things like turning on my laptop nearly caused me to toss it because it took too long to start up.  I feel my agitation at a high level today so I have to be careful about talking to people and give myself lots of room to do any task.

Oh Charlie… why are you so involved in everything I do. Can’t you leave me be for a minute? Just let me grieve in peace.

On a more positive note (because I have to ignore Charlie’s drama for 2 minutes)

When I am in a nicer frame of mind I do want to talk about some new things I am going to try on my road to mindfulness.  Just not right now. Maybe tomorrow or soon thereafter.


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