American Tragedy

I don’t know where to begin.  I became fixated as alot of people during the process of this election.  But for me due to my ever obsession of what I fixate on, I went down a rabbit hole I wish I had not.  MK Ultra, pedephilia, political agendas, media manipulation, historical truths (not taught in school), education deficit (on purpose) leading to mindless people having views based on repeated opinion rather than fact,  not even going to discuss faithless electors now and in the past.   I do at least know if I hear  “racist” or “safe space” or “man spreading” or “rape culture” or “wage gap”  that I am speaking with a mindless follower of programed or repeated nonsense that is not going to be open to a rational or fact based conversation. That does bring me comfort.  People are individuals.  I base my opinion on unfortunately for me assuming everyone is inherently good.  Although people have proved me wrong I hold to that idea first.  I can tell you specifically why I am opposed to a candidate’s policies. I can welcome facts that change my point of view.  In fact I welcome conversation, in which I am given factual information that gives me insight that I didn’t have prior.  It means I am still learning and able to expand my ideas.

I am not saying people shouldn’t support different candidates, or have opposing views on any matter.  In fact debates are good and healthy if done respectfully. It requiress back and forth dialogue of information not attacking.  This election had me so frustrated to see how mean, hateful and destructive people allowed themselves to be.  At the announcement of Trumps winning I smiled to myself and went to sleep.  Not simply because he won, but because this absolute atrocity of human condition could finally be behind us.  I was so naive.  As the protests and destruction of property began anew I just couldn’t cope. From the releif to the horror, my mind litterally couldn’t translate properly to my emotions and I was bed ridden for 3 days.  This frustrates me of course because I am reminded once again I am at the mercy of my mind and it’s overstimulation.  Stupid bi-polar emotions.  I don’t need a safe space, I need to re-wire my stupid brain.

I had just started getting my client base back on track, and a big client I recently aquired fired me, not only for the scheduled appointment I had to blow off so soon in our working relationship, but the eratic behavior and focus issues I brought forth at our next meeting. It sucks that getting out of bed is not this signal of wellness.  It signals mobility but it does not by any means signal wellness.

I have banned myself from Facebook and limited my online reasearch and youtube watching to bring me back to my own little space in this world.  The fact of things for me is that nothing in my world is changed. I am still a little too passionate about things, but truth is, nothing I am seeing is happening right now to me.  I needed that clarity to remember that it’s good to be aware of current events.  It is not good to emerce myself in them.

I have recently begun taking up blanket donations that I am giving to the homeless.  I gave out my first 2 days ago.  What a better thing to focus on.  I received great suggestions from a gentleman who was homeless for 10 years.  Socks, care packages of toothpaste, soap, wet wipes, a suggestion from another woman who used to give out food packages.   A warm meal is very appreciated. I saw a man online who with gloved hands washed a man’s feet with bottled water, then put on fresh socks and shoes for him.  This is so much better to my soul.  There was a man in a wheelchair that I gave 2 thermal shirts and a sleeping bag to, in which he immediately put the bag on his seat.  He got a cushion and warmth.  I was so blessed to see how much it meant to him.  I am also going out of my way to thank officers for their service. I don’t care about any news stories.  The person I am thanking didn’t do it. And you know what, they always genuinly appreciate the kindness.

 

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