What a 180 tonight has been. After I posted, I began to give into the nagging feeling as if something was just off. Of course he wouldn’t cheat. If anything he at most would possibly connect with a female for the sake of her being kind to him. But not in person. I can say without reservation he would neither be comfortable in someone else’s bed (he has a thing about his own bed). He is no longer limber enough for a car. A hotel would be an expense he wouldn’t easily shell out. But a friendly person to bring levity to a depressing marriage… possibly. He kinda went down that trail in the most innocent of ways before.
And there I was searching through his ipad… searching for the phantom evidence that will not show itself which of course I conjure up thoughts of hiding files… or keeping it only in his phone… just working myself into a lather, cross referencing everything and at last I find something.
An app for snap chat photo upload. I stopped right there. He won’t lie so I call him. “I am giving you but a second to respond to this question… Have you used snap chat?” “What???” He asks honestly confused. “What is snapchat?” I explain and I did tell him it is only an photo up loader not the actual snapchat app. He says he doesn’t recall downloading the app but if he did he probably thought it was a picture app in general or may have needed for some site he was using. Of course I know how he is and it makes sense what he was saying.
I began to sob. Simply because I realized how sad this situation has become. He was stopping his day at work to discuss this so he clearly could tell this was important to me. After some tense moments and some further communicating my feeling of detachment from him, I could hear it in his voice, he got it. He really really got it.
We hung up, he sent me a silly selfie saying “don’t give up on me I will make it up to you”. He further called me later to say “Get your dress ready for Friday night, I’m taking you to dinner at 5:00!” We kissed tonight. For the first time in a while. It’s an intimate thing a kiss. I miss kissing. He told me he loved me and re-confirmed no one else could ever take my place. Or as he puts it… “why would I want to get involved with ANOTHER woman??? One crazy broad is more than I can manage lol.”
I won’t say we are out of the woods, but man do I appreciate that no matter what, we never fully lose each other.