I wish I knew if what I am feeling is God inspired or simply mania. Or does God reach me because I’m in mania?
The last round a few months back, I was awoken at 2 am with a very clear guidance that I need to start a home bible group/church. It seemed I was reminded again and again of the people who don’t want to go to church for various reasons or have distaste for religion altogether. This would be a way for God to reach them where they are. I could feel it so clearly. Open our home to others to come read together and have open dialogue. Keep it grounded in Christianity. Have a lesson plan to keep it loosely focused.
Having been born and raised in the church I myself am in need of some open discussion, ask questions and get back to talking about Jesus’s commands rather than shake your hand at the door sit in a pew and listen to a preacher talk. This is different than just a bible study sat at a table in a church side room. This is reading, reclining, eating, laughing, crying, praying,sharing and each bearing with one another’s burdens, just getting back to the truth of what Jesus taught and how the apostles did it. Being real, not Sunday Christians.
I spoke to others who also had felt called to do the same prior to me bringing it up. So I know it has to be more than my mental state. In fact, when I studied up on it 2 days ago, home church is apparently becoming a movement. I do feel bad I become relentless on the topic, but I can’t help it… I just know there is a calling for me to do this!!!!
Unfortunately when I leave mania the PASSION!!!! goes with it. This makes it very difficult to plan in the long haul sense, and a reason I can’t be in charge of bringing it together. My husband thinks it may be something he is interested in, but no final answer.
As I swung back into mania this time, the excitement is back. However, my husband still isn’t sure, my friends are concerned I am getting ahead of God’s timing. I feel it’s a simple bible study with a spotlight on Jesus. It’s simplicity at it’s finest. I don’t think we need road scholars versed and educated to allow God to move. My impatience these last few days to get my vision going is beyond measure. Without realizing it, I began snapping at my friend (not Godly at all) That wonderful patience I was so proud of a few days back is clearly leaving the building. And again I am led to ask, is it God or is it mania, or is it God working in my mania?
Mantra: I can not have the outcome I expect. I must understand that people are different from me and they won’t often be on my page. I add to this, God can not work if I do it my way in a timetable only I feel pressed for. (I don’t believe any of it honestly, but I have to say it out loud to myself, like a parent to a child)