It began yesterday evening as the grand kids were playing in the living room.  I suddenly without warning felt an absolute panic at the disorder of the room.  I began to pick up, and as I got to the middle and side tables, which had a mountain of random magazines, papers, notepad, books, etc. surrounding my husband (the way he likes it) Things went south quickly. I don’t know what he said, because I could only see the mess and my ears were beginning to ring.  But he in someway indicated for me to leave his stuff alone.  I don’t remember snapping, but the next thing I knew we were in all out war over this mess that is making me feel chaotic. It’s such an overwhelming feeling.

I quickly took a tranquilizer and went outside to calm down.  I didn’t even throw anything this time or slam any doors.  I knew I was just overloaded and this too would pass. I was able to get some relief after a bit from med, but still, even as I came back into the room, the kids and tv and his voice were so loud.  It hurt even my skin and muscles. I could feel every noise like needles poking relentlessly at me. This is so hard to explain even to those who have lived with me.  I kept asking him to please talk quieter to the point where I had to go in my room and cover my ears.

The sensitivity did eventually subside as the med kicked in fully.  I was able to enjoy the remainder of the time with my grand children and fighting was put behind us. Feeling the residual rubber band sensation in my arms and back even now, but at least it’s tolerable.

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