Had a real breakthrough last night. It started as a typical me overreacting fight. I have a hard time listening when I feel people are not understanding me. The anger and interruptions also brings his frustration level on par with mine. We are very alike actually. We both want our expectations when approaching a subject to be met. Neither of us will back down and quite frankly we are matched as we progress in any yelling match. He used to be a more gentle person, but I think I have turned him into a reactor from years dealing with me.
Anyway, as he began to scream “shut up”in which I called him a Neanderthal, I walked away rather than continue to stand my ground. It didn’t feel right to let it go, but I knew I had to. A parting “go take your meds and leave me alone” from him in which I walked outside with a parting shot of “I hate you”. Hey I didn’t say it was a smooth exit process.
But this I did do differently. First I came in and went to my room as usual, but then I thought about moving forward and conceding, rather than listening to my thoughts remind me what a mean, selfish, horrible person his is.
I walked into the living room and started calmly explaining that there was a miscommunication clearly, and I want to start over and pretend the fight never happened. This confused him and yep he said something which I reacted to which then became a less intense fight but still bigger than necessary. So he stormed off to go take a shower. And I thought “nope I am not going to end this night in hostile silence”
So, I took a few minutes, a few deep breaths and proceeded to go into the bathroom, where I simply pulled back the curtain and pinched his butt. Let me tell you, his shock followed by amusement broke the spell. We then had a beautiful non angry conversation through the shower curtain which I allowed him to verbally stop me if I began to interrupt of get sidetracked and I am proud to say made for a much better way to end our night.
And he did say he really appreciated my trying a different approach. I am sure dealing with me can be more tiresome than I realize. I just pray that I can remember to trust him when he steers me in a conversation moving forward. I hope I hope I hope.