Here we go. Back to tears. Last week had so much good but also had me so high. I started the come down yesterday. It began with an awareness that I was talking alot at my mom’s and had opinions about everything. While my husband and I were driving home last night I started feeling worried about how I interacted. Then I added to it some hurt feelings about what others said. My husband reassured me it wasn’t a big deal.when I got home didn’t quite know how I felt. Uneasy is the only word to describe it.
Woke up this morning to tears pouring down. Self loathing has ushered in. I text my mom to apologize to alleviate some of my shame. She said she enjoyed the time with me. Didn’t know what I was talking about.
I feel like she is saying it because she’s being polite. She won’t just tell me the truth how pushy and loud I was. How everyone wishes I would just shut up sometimes. I tell her thank you to not be a bigger idiot. And more tears dripping onto the blanket.
I’m angry right now. Don’t want to go through this. I have a conference call in 20 minutes and I am a sobbing mess. Suck it up sister and put your big girl panties on.