And it comes crashing down

Here we go. Back to tears. Last week had so much good but also had me so high. I started the come down yesterday. It began with an awareness that I was talking alot at my mom’s and had opinions about everything. While my husband and I were driving home last night I started feeling worried about how I interacted. Then I added to it some hurt feelings about what others said. My husband reassured me it wasn’t a big deal.when I got home didn’t quite know how I felt. Uneasy is the only word to describe it.

Woke up this morning to tears pouring down. Self loathing has ushered in. I text my mom to apologize to alleviate some of my shame. She said she enjoyed the time with me. Didn’t know what I was talking about.

I feel like she is saying it because she’s being polite. She won’t just tell me the truth how pushy and loud I was. How everyone wishes I would just shut up sometimes. I tell her thank you to not be a bigger idiot. And more tears dripping onto the blanket.

I’m angry right now. Don’t want to go through this. I have a conference call in 20 minutes and I am a sobbing mess. Suck it up sister and put your big girl panties on.

2 thoughts on “And it comes crashing down

  1. The mind is playing tricks and, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you’re winning. Keep going. As sure enough you will have other bad days you will also have good ones. You can start looking forward to them.

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