I thought a good place to start with sloughing off my “identity” is my endless chatter. Chatter in the mind and the mouth. I never shut down.
I am starting with a focus on things in my immediate view or what I hear around me. Trees as I drive, other cars, calculator, printer, wind chimes, whatever. When I realize I am chattering I try to describe that object. The uncontrolled thoughts so far can only be kept at by for maybe 1 minute, sometimes slightly longer, sometimes less. But the brain is a muscle, it needs to be trained. I’m not even attempting human interaction control yet. That is too much to tackle yet.
The other thing I am doing, is trying to become more aware of when I tense up. If I can just focus on the tightness, it’s actually quite uncomfortable when I am observing it. It is located specifically in the lower area of my chest where the ribs end and my whole upper back. It feels so tight it burns. When I bring myself to be aware of it, I am trying to see what I was thinking about that brought the tension. So far it seems like everything. Last night I did have 1 that I realized was about a friend who I was getting my feelings hurt by. She was doing nothing wrong I realized, it was my own history in a similar situation that I was reacting to. I called her and we addressed it respectfully and I was able to let it go. So 1 down, only a million more to go.
