I thought a good place to start with sloughing off my “identity” is my endless chatter.  Chatter in the mind and the mouth. I never shut down.

I am starting with a focus on things in my immediate view or what I hear around me.  Trees as I drive, other cars, calculator, printer, wind chimes, whatever.  When I realize I am chattering I try to describe that object.  The uncontrolled thoughts so far can only be kept at by for maybe 1 minute, sometimes slightly longer, sometimes less.  But the brain is a muscle, it needs to be trained.  I’m not even attempting human interaction control yet.  That is too much to tackle yet.

The other thing I am doing, is trying to become more aware of when I tense up.  If I can just focus on the tightness, it’s actually quite uncomfortable when I am observing it.  It is located specifically in the lower area of my chest where the ribs end and my whole upper back.  It feels so tight it burns. When I bring myself to be aware of it, I am trying to see what I was thinking about that brought the tension.  So far it seems like everything.  Last night I did have 1 that I realized was about a friend who I was getting my feelings hurt by.  She was doing nothing wrong I realized, it was my own history in a similar situation that I was reacting to.  I called her and we addressed it respectfully and I was able to let it go.  So 1 down, only a million more to go.

 

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