It’s been interesting to say the least, the changes that occur as I adjust to life without medicine. I expected to have emotional changes, but the immediate rage, the hopelessness, the flood of emotional memories resurfacing are a lot to adjust back into all at once.
By far the worst is the physical discomfort. It feels like I have been clenching every muscle in my body, which are now expanding back to a lesser stress point. My legs, my arms, in my chest and back, everywhere. The only way to accurately describe it is like the feeling of pull when hitting G force on a roller coaster, except all pain. I woke up Sunday at 2 am thinking I was having a heart attack.
By Sunday night, I was ready to quit my blog, quit trying to improve what has gone as far as it can. There is such tension and meanness in the house, there is a lot of stress being added to my plate and I just didn’t think I wanted to try to tackle this anymore.
But, as I lay there in my bed curled up in a ball, so in shock I couldn’t even cry, I knew I just had to get over this hump. I thought I would try once more to take control of my own damn mind. Pain be damned. Self pity be damned. I found a long stream of motivational videos, and just watched/listened. Best thing I could have done. Below is the vid. I really liked the first one most. But there are all in their own right good.
I am not quitting. I can do anything I set my mind to. I am not my illness. I am bigger than my situation.