It’s been interesting to say the least, the changes that occur as I adjust to life without medicine.  I expected to have emotional changes, but the immediate rage, the hopelessness, the flood of emotional memories resurfacing are a lot to adjust back into all at once.

By far the worst is the physical discomfort.  It feels like I have been clenching every muscle in my body, which are now expanding back to a lesser stress point.  My legs, my arms, in my chest and back, everywhere. The only way to accurately describe it is like the feeling of pull when hitting G force on a roller coaster, except all pain. I woke up Sunday at 2 am thinking I was having a heart attack.

By Sunday night, I was ready to quit my blog, quit trying to improve what has gone as far as it can.  There is such tension and meanness in the house, there is a lot of stress being added to my plate and I just didn’t think I wanted to try to tackle this anymore.

But, as I lay there in my bed curled up in a ball, so in shock I couldn’t even cry, I knew I just had to get over this hump.  I thought I would try once more to take control of my own damn mind.  Pain be damned. Self pity be damned.  I found a long stream of motivational videos, and just watched/listened.  Best thing I could have done.  Below is the vid.  I really liked the first one most.  But there are all in their own right good.

I am not quitting.  I can do anything I set my mind to.  I am not my illness.  I am bigger than my situation.

 

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