I told my doctor last night that I quit Lithium.  I felt like I grew a second head from his reaction. They already get frustrated I wont do therapy.  But since I have to pay out of pocket for every visit since my insurance has a $11,000.00 deductible and I already see a physician every 3 months, plus medication it’s not affordable.  I went to a local one and finally their on site therapist to humor them for a while after I moved to town, so they could personally re-asses my diagnosis, before telling them no more.  So, I guess I’m not surprised that me not wanting to take medication is more worrisome from an ongoing well check and concern for those it will affect standpoint.  He even tried to get me to switch to a different medication if the Lithium wasn’t a good fit.  But I told him that I lived without medication (except for the dreaded anti-depressant trials and absolute errors) for most of my 43 years.  I self medicated sure, but even that I just don’t want to do at this point of my life.  He reassured me that I can go off if I must do this, but at least keep them in my medicine cabinet just in case.  I already planned on it.

So, after I agreed to up my visits to once a month and I gave him a detailed action plan I have been utilizing, he backed down. I did come home 2nd guessing myself until I spoke with my husband.  I asked him if I was making a mistake.  I finally confessed to him a few days ago once he became aware of some traits surfacing. And he said that although he has seen changes, he thinks I have been doing really well compared to last attempts.  We agreed that I am handling it well overall and he would be the first to hold me accountable if things go too South and demand I start taking them again.

I do not advocate for doing what I am doing, without therapy or without consulting a physician first.  Therapy and medication are things that are vital to a person’s as well as those around them’s well being. As I told my Dr. I have been working hard to get to this place for a year.  I am fully aware of the risks and I take them seriously. But I also know that putting these kinds of decisions out where others can see, has potential for unknowingly planting a seed in someone else. So, I strongly do not recommend what I am doing for anyone else.  I am doing something no one would advise. In fact no one has been welcoming to what I am doing at first. They can see that I am determined, so they are being tolerant of what they can’t stop. I am just writing about my personal experience and nothing more.


Fitting for this season

Flying Butterfly




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