Little tough right now.  My daughter was tired from being kept up all night with her kids and very agitated. She was barking at my grand kids all day.  Don’t get me wrong, I remember many times when I was yelling rather than having the energy to deal with the next tantrum.

But I was working in my office trying to focus and the noise begins to saturate my nerves. I kept mentally pushing it away, but when my husband gets home and wants to know who used the novelty plunger in the bathroom. I hear him yelling in the hallway.  His voice was booming in my ear. That was the moment.

My skin began to painfully pulse with the sound.  My ears became deafening.  I couldn’t focus anymore.  I began to get frustrated at my computer, then I am slamming my stapler. Speaking in 1 word sentences…. random mid thought sentence words I won’t repeat. I thought about taking another anxiety pill but don’t want to use a crutch.

So I opted to go outside and take it down a notch. I am no more sitting in my chair, when my grandson comes out and he wants my attention it seems.  “Nana woook” “I jumpeen” “Nana hewp”. Cute as can be. But his voice was like nails on a blackboard and I wanted to get a flying superpower and just escape. But I quietly told him to go inside.  Which he did…to get his mommy.

My daughter comes out and is talking…I don’t know about what, just words…noise. Loud noise.  Each minute gets more overwhelming. My grandson is now needing her attention and they are talking back and forth….please Lord don’t let me lose it.

I quickly got up and made a beeline for my bedroom and shut the door.  Avoided speaking to anyone, just ran away fast. I lay on my bed, pulled my shoulders back, straightened my back, took deep slow breaths and was able to bring myself back down quite a bit.

My heart is still racing, but by taking a moment when needed and taking the time to catalog my positive actions, has been a great help.  Really proud of me right now.


See The Beauty

I don’t know why.  I just find this picture so soothing.

beautiful-chaos

Spot on  depiction for how I feel

tiger

 


WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

visualization

One thought on “Finding Peace in the Series of Unfortunate Events

  1. Good for you for taking me time. I feel the same at times in my bipolar and unless I remove myself I can escalate quickly. You should be proud. Loved the pics, you’re right, it is oddly soothing. Best regards

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