Today I need to address something besides my illness. Went to a 2nd appointment with my husband for his high blood pressure. The meds they have him on are not working as they’d hoped. They need to add another med to it to try to get some movement. Quitting smoking last May hasn’t helped as it should either. They are very concerned. They did a slew of blood tests last visit and found out yesterday he is pre-diabetes, has high cholesterol, and due to his weight (273) they are fearing either a stroke or heart attack in the near future. They are doing more tests next week followed by a 1 week following review. They will further be having him see a specialist. I guess we will meet our deductible this year.
I felt the pain rise up as I fought back tears sitting in there listening. He always says he needs to do something about his weight, but here I sit realizing my worst fears could come true. I could lose my best friend.
I often blame myself for his becoming so reactive over the years. But I have to believe a body under constant stress has to affect ones temperament as well. I mean his feet pain alone tells me how much stress his body is under.
I begged him as we left the office to please take this seriously. I am a bit fluffier than I would like myself. Not obese, but a size 16 isn’t tiny for sure. I agreed to join him in whatever steps he is willing to take to combat this. I could see in his eyes he is scared. But I fear he isn’t scared enough. When people seek comfort in food, generally fear only pushes them to seek it out more.
He works in construction so he is technically physically active. But he needs cardio badly. I asked him to please take a 30 minute walk with me after dinner every night to at least get started. He said OK, but then again he always says OK when I ask. I’m scared for him and selfishly for me. I have always feared those closest to me of dying. I used to do it with my mom, when I got married I transferred to him. I have spent my whole life fearing he would die. Now I’m angry because he is causing it.
I am not nor have I ever judged him for his weight. I could care less if he was 500 lbs if I knew it didn’t affect his health. But truth is, even if it didn’t affect his heart, it does affect his quality of life. And I have to face facts that we would be living a fuller life if we were more active.
There is no final thought on this. Just scared and didn’t feel I could share it with anyone I know. Out of respect for him, I don’t want to have this conversation with anyone who knows him.
SEE THE BEAUTY
The world as it could be
Finally taking that road trip on a motorcycle
Hanging out with our Grandcuties 10 years from now
Enjoying a hike when we are 60
What a beautiful life it could be
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT