Today I need to address something besides my illness.  Went to a 2nd appointment with my husband for his high blood pressure.  The meds they have him on are not working as they’d hoped.  They need to add another med to it to try to get some movement.  Quitting smoking last May hasn’t helped as it should either. They are very concerned.  They did a slew of blood tests last visit and found out yesterday he is pre-diabetes, has high cholesterol, and due to his weight (273) they are fearing either a stroke or heart attack in the near future.  They are doing more tests next week followed by a 1 week following review.  They will further be having him see a specialist.  I guess we will meet our deductible this year.

I felt the pain rise up as I fought back tears sitting in there listening.  He always says he needs to do something about his weight, but here I sit realizing my worst fears could come true.  I could lose my best friend.

I often blame myself for his becoming so reactive over the years.  But I have to believe a body under constant stress has to affect ones temperament as well.  I mean his feet pain alone tells me how much stress his body is under.

I begged him as we left the office to please take this seriously.  I am a bit fluffier than I would like myself.  Not obese, but a size 16 isn’t tiny for sure. I agreed to join him in whatever steps he is willing to take to combat this.  I could see in his eyes he is scared.  But I fear he isn’t scared enough.  When people seek comfort in food, generally fear only pushes them to seek it out more.

He works in construction so he is technically physically active.  But he needs cardio badly.  I asked him to please take a 30 minute walk with me after dinner every night to at least get started.  He said OK, but then again he always says OK when I ask.  I’m scared for him and selfishly for me.  I have always feared those closest to me of dying.  I used to do it with my mom, when I got married I transferred to him.  I have spent my whole life fearing he would die.  Now I’m angry because he is causing it.

I am not nor have I ever judged him for his weight.  I could care less if he was 500 lbs if I knew it didn’t affect his health.  But truth is, even if it didn’t affect his heart, it does affect his quality of life.  And I have to face facts that we would be living a fuller life if we were more active.

There is no final thought on this.  Just scared and didn’t feel I could share it with anyone I know.  Out of respect for him, I don’t want to have this conversation with anyone who knows him.


The world as it could be

Finally taking that road trip on a motorcycle


Hanging out with our Grandcuties 10 years from now


Enjoying a hike when we are 60


What a beautiful life it could be





9 thoughts on “Facing Consequences

  1. I lost over 100lbs and my bp was 152/121. I worked at walking then walk/running then added weights. Go with high protein low carb diet, trust me it works. My bp is around 110/75 these days. It works! Good luck! 2,000 calories Max a day. I used the loseit app to store my food daily. It tells you everything you need to know cals fat protein, etc. Put in weight put it goal it tells you how many calories you can eat. Measuring food scan labels. It will change your lives if you use it religiously!

      1. It’s going to be ok, but like you said, he has to take responsibility for his own health. I think its a testament of your love for him that you are willing to do this with him. It’s not challenging if you shrink it to ONE MEAL AT A TIME! Instead of this daunting task of losing weight. It’s just like sobriety, ONE DAY AT A TIME. I call it shrinking my world. IF a task is too overwhelming, I shrink it into its parts. For example, with ONE MEAL AT A TIME, you just focus on eating a healthy breakfast and RIGHT AFTER THAT going for a short walk. Things become manageable in our lives when we stop making them unmanageable. I’ll be hoping for the best for you two!

      2. I am so excited to tell you we downloaded the app each respectively. He is clicking around in it as I speak 😄 I told him your testimony and he seemed really encouraged. Thank you so much!!!

      3. What a blessing. I forgot to mention, I lied. At my peak at 48 years old I was 192lbs in the best shape of my life. Then alcohol destroyed me. I was 315 to start. It CAN be done! You can do it

      4. That’s awesome at 48!!! Thats awesome at any age but 48 … hoorah!!! There is hope. I’m sorry about the alcohol though. I just quit a few years ago myself after a dui which I totalled my car. Sorry it took you to such a bad place.

      5. It’s ok. Thank you. I would never had guessed that about you! Why not share your story? You could help some women out, there not enough out there about women in recovery. Wish I had my old pics. I might have one on Facebook lmao. Man I was in some shape. I gained 40lbs back and lost all my muscle. It took me 1.5 years to do all that. He can do that in about a year or less. I’m pulling for him. Seriously, your story with alcohol is important

      6. Yea I was a wreck for most of my life. I did share the story today. I confess to being a hypocrit though cause I do occationally drink 1 glass of wine now. I took your advise though and told my story. I do try not to focus on my past too much as I keep trying to work in the present. I think my past is just so ugly I don’t like to look at it unless it is used to show compassion to another.

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