I’m sorry I’m not being positive today. I have made it a while between so I will allow a sad day.
I got in argument with Nell (my daughter). She was sleeping on the chair till 10. I needed to get working but wanted to be sure kids got breakfast, a quick bath and dressed first. I didn’t want to wake her after my conflict with Tone this morning. I could feel my agitation at its max.
Finally at 10 I told her what time it was and as a mom she didn’t get the luxury of sleeping her morning away. She didn’t get up till my 3rd attempt which I flat out yelled at her. I called her a lazy mom. At the time I meant it but she isn’t she loves those kids alot. I was just holding onto left over anger. As mothers and daughters do we ended up screaming at each other. She telling me F. U. Me telling her to stop acting like a teenager and grow the hell up.
I stopped mid fight to call my husband to try to get some consolation. A simple sorry it was rough this morning. But he told me “that’s life”. I just broke down. He said if I couldn’t get through the stress without meds than I should just go back on them.
Out of frustration and pain, I hung up the phone, walked to my nightstand, opened my bottle of Lythium and took them. I am so mad that I am ready to give up so easily.
Nell and I made up, we are both feeling pretty down from the tension in the house. Time for a family meeting. And I don’t know that I will keep taking Lythium after today. I really think if I can make it through this time, I am able to do it indefinitely.
I cancelled my Thursday client appointment. They are really cool to let me flex my days. As long as I come once a week they don’t care. I’m disappointed that I am giving into my sadness, but I just don’t want to get off this chair.
SEE THE BEAUTY
This is so good for soothing both to the ears and the visual.