Just wanted to give myself a pat on the back. Here I am a month in without medication and going through daily emotional roller coaster and I am doing so well. The depression has been the hardest by far but still I press on.
Yesterday pushed me to a potentially dangerous place. But as I have found out over the past year, going to my blog has been a huge therapeutic tool. I can sometimes spend an hour or more searching for tips, pictures or quotes or rewriting my post till it feels right. Except my last one. That one I just wrote and posted.
A year ago I would have lost it over the things that I am facing daily right now. I would become useless, enraged or obsessed depending on the situation and sometimes just my stupid mood.
Last night as I was writing my blog on tips to deal with angry people, my daughter kept coming in trying to distract me because she was bored. My husband kept calling me from the kitchen. But I told her for the 4th time I am busy so she finally left me alone and I pretty much ignored him.
Last week I was ready to give up. This week except last night, I simply copied and pasted what I needed to hear and it’s working.
To sit alone just focusing my energy on this task has become so intricate to making changes I didn’t think I could. Aside from being an outlet for me it inspires me to do better.
Another thing that happened prior to the mean person yesterday was deciding that I am pushing through this depression starting now. Nell and I have both been in a very co-dependent slump and I made a deal with her that we are going to start a morning itinerary of our own to dos for the day. We are going to hold each other accountable if we catch each other sitting too long. Starting this morning we are going to push.
- We are going to take a shower with our first cup of coffee regardless if I’m working at home.
- We are going to take a 30 minute walk with the kids and dog (thank you sunshine post).7:30 – 8 am when I am home, afternoons or evenings when I have outside appointments.
- We will take the kids to the library and park once a week
- Eat regularly and healthy meals (I sometimes don’t eat till dinner) and will have dinner ready when the guys come home.
- She will make work lunches the night before for her husband, I will pre-make coffee for everyone before we go to bed.
- I will work at least once a week on finishing my office and work on catching up loose ends on my desk, she will pound the pavement for a rental and follow through on necessary errands.
I am taping this list to a few spots around the house and as my screensaver on my phone. These 6 things are all I have to do.
I can’t help that I feel like mush, wrapped in darkness, wrapped in self pity, wrapped in heavy. I can however do what I have been doing in my blog… inspire myself.